A daughter is a daughter all of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife (subtitled: Diane's over use of parentheses)

That is what I fear with my children.

I love watching Hannah grow up and it amazes me, and scares me a little, as I watch her grow up. I look at photos of her as a baby...as a toddler...as a kindergartner....and it scares me that someday she won't ask to fall asleep in our bed or to have a sleepover with Mommy. She promises me now that she will always be my baby girl and that she'll always be my best friend but I know better. I've been the pre-teen girl. I've been the teenage girl. I was a horror to my parents at times. I can admit that now. Freely. And apologize for it. But it's also part of growing up and I know to expect it.

I don't know what to expect with a son. I was looking at Jake tonight as he stood in the doorway between one room and the next. That doesn't seem terribly dramatic in and of itself but he seemed so big. So grown-up. He was debating between going into a room that had a T-Rex on the TV (which he was afraid of) and running to me in the next room (to comfort and protect him). He stood there....on the threshold....and he didn't move. He didn't advance towards what scared him and yet he didn't run to Mommy. And in that moment I flashed back to four years ago...when I sat on the very same couch I was sitting on tonight...and thought about him as a teeny, tiny baby. Breastfeeding and looking at me with infant eyes. Where did those four years go? Where did my baby go and where did this young boy come from?

As I told Lincoln later in the evening, this is what scares me. I don't necessarily fear losing Hannah. I'm sure there will be tough times throughout the years but ultimately she is my daughter and I will always have her. I'm not sure the same is true for Jake.

As they say...."A daughter is a daughter for all of her life....A son is a son until he takes a wife."

Being a daughter (and a daughter-in-law) I can see the validity of that statement. I am certainly still the daughter of my mom and dad. How many times, on this blog alone, have I said "I want my Mommy". How many times, in life in general, have I called my Mom because I'm sad or sick or scared. It doesn't change. I am 31 years old and I will always be my parents' baby....as evidenced by the fact that when I am sick or scared I call her Mommy and when I want to feel secure or babied I call him Daddy.

But now I have a son....and I am married to a son of another woman. On one hand I want to believe that if my son grows up and marries a woman that I don't approve of he'll defer to me, his mother. On the other hand, there have been times in our marriage that I have asked Lincoln to choose between me and his mother and I have fully expected him to choose me. How do I draw that line? How do I balance being a mother and being a wife (and eventually a mother-in-law)? How does that work?

Such heavy thoughts for tonight but tonight Jake has seemed so grown up and Hannah is off on her 2nd ever sleepover. I feel them both slipping away little by little.

I don't want more kids. Lincoln asked me that tonight when I was telling him my thoughts (it was a test since we can't actually have more kids for self-selected medical reasons). Neither of us do. And having more kids certainly won't keep them from growing up (although, as I pointed out, having more kids would give us more options to provide for us when we're older) but it was his way of pointing out to me that we're happy with what we have. We have a beautiful and wonderful baby girl and a handsome and wonderful baby boy and we couldn't be luckier. They are fantastic and I wouldn't trade them for any other boy or girl in the world. Yes, they will get older and yes, life will change, but as Lincoln pointed out to me earlier, the sooner they get older, the sooner we'll have grandchildren.

My husband...he's a wise man...I may not want to let my children go but he's right. It's a circle. Without letting my children grow up to be the adults that they will eventually become I can't become a grandma. I want to be a Grandma. I want to be a Great-Grandma. I see such joy in the eyes of my parents when they look at my kids. And I see that same joy in the eyes of my 95-year old Grandmother when she looks at her great-grandchildren.

It's life. And it continues. And there is so much magic in every stage. It's just important that I enjoy every stage...every moment...every second. They truly are fleeting.