Memories and Regrets

Over the last few months I have worried about how my depression has affected my kids in many different ways. I must admit, one of those ways is the fact that I haven't been blogging about my kids and the funny things they do and say. I love going back and choosing a random month from the archives and reading about something the kids did that I had completely forgotten about. The fact that so many memories haven't been recorded in the past few months makes me incredibly sad. I know that despite the misery of the past few months we've had some great times as well. At best I manage to write up a quick recap on Facebook but I haven't committed much to keeping up with the blog. I just haven't had it in me and that makes me sad.

A few weeks ago, during one of our regularly scheduled Friday night Mexican dinners with my friend Tracy, I somehow started thinking about how when Jake was first born Hannah used to always want to play "baby on the doorstep." It was a big elaborate game we would play where she would pretend that she found Jake on the doorstep and we had to bring him in, decide to keep him and then I would always suggest naming him Henry which she always rejected. That game went on for months and yet it was something I haven't thought about in years. I didn't have the blog back then so of course I never wrote it down anywhere and I'm glad that I can do it now. It does make me sad though to think of all those other memories that I never recorded the past few months.

Another memory that I had forgotten about until that night was "Hecuba Buttmunchkin". When Hannah was little we always used to call her buttmunchkin (and still do sometimes). I used to tease her that her real name was Hecuba Buttmunchkin and she would get so mad at me. I told her that it was what was on her official birth certificate and she wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise. It used to get her so riled up and always made me laugh.

You always think, in the moment, that you'll never forget that funny joke or special thing that the kids did, but you do. Even when it's a game you played for months and months and you figure you'll be playing that same game until they're old and gray, you don't realize until years later when you're sitting around eating enchiladas that one day that game just stopped.

And that's just depressing (pun intended).

Self-imposed Rules

I started writing this blog almost 2 years ago. Originally I started doing it as a way for my family and friends to keep up with what is going on with us and all that the kids do. It quickly became more than that because I've discovered it's a great way to chronicle the kids' lives and I think it will make a great keepsake for them someday (if I ever get around to having it printed and bound into a book). It has also been incredibly therapeutic at times to write about what is on my mind. In general, I've really enjoyed writing this blog and I'm glad I started it.

But I do have a few self-imposed rules about what I'll write.

• I won't write anything that I wouldn't be willing to repeat to any family, friend or stranger. If I'm not willing to have it on the 5 o'clock news, I won't write it.
• I won't write about personal things that are going on in the lives of my family and friends unless they give me permission. Everything I write on here has to do with me, my thoughts, my opinions, and my immediate family only.
• I won't post pictures of other people's kids without their permission. I generally don't post pictures of anyone outside of me, Link, and the kids but every now and then I will if the person is okay with it.
• I won't talk badly about other people unless I've already expressed it to them directly - or am willing to express it to them directly.
• I don't talk about other people's kids except, occasionally, in passing. I would never write anything rude about another person's kid although, to be honest, that limits a lot of what I could write about.
• I won't vent about an issue - political, social, or otherwise - unless it's one that I'm willing to debate with anyone who wants to talk to me about it.
• And I don't talk about my middle sister because I honestly believe her jackass husband would likely sue me if I did. That was the first - and last - time I'll even come remotely close to mentioning her.

And that's it. I don't regret that the principal found out about my blog. I don't regret that obviously some parent out there has way too much time on their hands and wants to stir up trouble by sending the link to the principal. I'm more than willing to stand by what I write and I'm comfortable with what I'm willing to make public so I think I'm doing just fine.

Happy Anniversary

One year ago today I started this blog. I've actually had a lot of fun doing it and I think it will be a great thing to save for my kids when they get older. My friend Cyndi introduced me to a website that will print a book of your blog postings so I plan on doing that sometime soon. I figure I'll do one every calendar year and print two copies so that each kid can have one as a memento of their childhood. I only wish I had started it earlier in their lives.