Hmmmm

Yesterday I composed an entire blog posting in my head and said to myself "as soon as I get a chance I'll type that up." Well, now's that chance.

Too bad I can't remember what the subject was, much less the entire post.

Now here is a prayer I can get behind these days

The Silence of the Fish

I don't eat fish. I also don't particularly understand the lure of fishing (pun intended) but I can see where it could be rather relaxing. I started out my formative years in the Midwest and we vacationed on one of Minnesota's largest lakes. To me, fishing is either sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake too big to even see across or sitting alone on the end of the dock with Grandpa's scarecrow JoJo looking out over that same lake. I can see where it would be a nice activity if you enjoy solitude. It seems very tranquil. Not to mention a good opportunity to sit in the sun and get a tan. But coming from a person who keeps a magazine on the front seat of her car for long stoplights, it seems a little too tranquil for me. My brain can't sit still for that long. On the flip side, I can see where it would be a lot of fun to sit in a boat, drinking beer, and hanging with friends while you fish. But that brings me back to the fact that I don't eat fish. Or touch them. Or touch worms. So I guess I'd really just be in it for the sun and the beer and I can do that on the deck overlooking the lake. Same tranquility, less stink.

But I digress.....

I don't understand the people who fish along the busy road coming to our house. There is a two-lane road that goes between a lake and a pond. A very small strip of grass and weeds lies between the metal guardrail and the lake. People stand there all summer long and fish while cars rush by at a minimum of the 45 mph speed limit. That just doesn't seem relaxing to me.

So do they need the fish? Are they too poor to go out and buy fish for dinner at the grocery store? Or do they just like fish fresh from the lake coated with the pungent aroma of car exhaust? Are they doing some family bonding with each other? It seems to me it would be hard for a father to bond with his son while he is hoping one of the cars whizzing by doesn't go off the road and kill the both of them. I can see where fishing would be an enjoyable activity in the right setting but is it such a compulsion that you need to do it in the middle of rush hour on the one busy road leading in and out of town from the interstate? It's not even the only fishing spot in town so why there?

I think the reason it bugs me so much is that I feel sorry for those people. At least I've experienced the purity of the experience in it's truest, Midwestern form. And while I may not eat fish - something I blame on the fact that I used to watch Grandpa clean the fish - I'm glad that I've been able to have that experience.

Windfall

I just got an email from our mortgage company thanking us for making a payment of $88,847.23. Umm....you're welcome? I don't know who paid it but it certainly wasn't us. Should be interesting getting to the bottom of this one.

This kid is going to be a hilarious drunk someday

I think this video is absolutely hilarious but I have to say, if one of my kids was acting this way after surgery I'd be heading for the ER.

Five days

I have five whole days off for Thanksgiving break. I am so excited even though, of course, I have a long list of "to do" tasks. But 5 days!!! How sweet is that?

Who knew this was such a science....and does it even really make a difference?

For my birthday in August my friend Melissa got me some Leinenkugel beer glasses with laser etchings on the bottom. It was supposed to "do something to enhance the flavor of the beer" is what she told me. (She's rather specific, isn't she?)

Chili's is now advertising on their coasters the "Perfect Beer Glass" made by the Samuel Adams brewing company.

What makes it perfect you ask?

1. Bead inside rim creates turbulence to release flavor and aromas as beer enters mouth.
2. Narrow top retains the hop aroma and sustains the head.
3. Rounded shape collects aromas.
4. Thinner walls and rounded shape maintain proper beer temperature longer.
5. Laser etchings on bottom creates bubbles for constant aroma release. (That's what she was trying to explain!!)
6. Outward turned lip delivers beer to front of tongue where sweetness (malt) is tasted.

I don't know why but I am truly impressed that people actually research this shit and feel bad that I just take these things for granted. And to think of all those years I wasted drinking out of a plastic cup at a keg party in college.

The party grows bigger

It's almost time to suck them down with the dry-vac. Their mass gathering is almost complete.

Two days ago:

Tonight:

Invasion of the pumpkin bugs

Every fall when we have a cold day or two and then it warms up again our house gets swarmed with pumpkin bugs. If you don't know what a pumpkin bug is I can tell you that it looks exactly like a ladybug except it is orange and when you squish them they stink really bad. While they're annoying because there are so many of them they are not actually harmful and, if they stayed outside, they're actually quite good for the plants because they eat other bugs (I believe). The funny thing about pumpkin bugs is that they gather in little clusters in the corner where the walls meet or, at bare minimum, at least in the crease between the wall and the ceiling. We don't usually do anything about them for a few days because you want to wait for them to all cluster together plus as long as the weather stays warm they'll continue to multiply in number. Since they're not hurting anything we wait a few days and then we usually suck them down with the hose on the dry-vac. They're pretty entertaining to watch because while they clump together in the corner every now and then one will venture out on its own. As they form in groups it looks something like a pilgrimage. Sometimes you can watch one pumpkin bug make slow progress from one cluster to the next. We often joke that they're being sent out to scavenge for food or are running away from their current family in search of a different one. They're annoying but they provide us with a few brief moments of cheap entertainment every year.

For those of you that have never gotten to enjoy the pleasure of a pumpkin bug, here are some pictures.

Starting to gather:

Headed for the gathering:

Speaking New England-ese

Me: Do you know where my brown shoes are?

Link: Oh, yeah. They're over here.

Me: Okay, I never would have looked there.

Link: Well, it's where I keep my cellar shoes.

Me: First of all, they're not my cellar shoes because I never go down there. Second of all, we don't have a cellar, we have a basement.

Link: What's the difference?

Me: I don't know. I just don't like the word cellar. It's too "New England".... like pocketbook and packie*. I hate the word pocketbook.

Link: No, if it was a cellah, it would be too New England.

Me: Good point.

*A pocketbook is pretty easy to figure out...it's what the rest of the country would call a purse. A packie is a package store. Still don't know what that means? A package store is a liquor store. So if you need alcohol you have to head to the packie. These New Englanders are kind of crazy that way.

Someone needs to learn how to park

I just came out of CVS to find this idiot parked next to me. There was about 4 feet of open space between the front of her car and the curb not to mention the angle at which she was parked.

Whatever happened to Customer Service (Subtitled: Verizon Wireless sucks)

For a little over a year now I've had the Blackberry Storm through Verizon Wireless. I've been a customer of Verizon Wireless for 10 years now. Until this month I have been able to expense a portion of my cell phone bill through my company but now they've decided that they're moving all of the employee phones over to AT&T Mobility. That means that I've received a new Blackberry Curve for work and am still carrying my Blackberry Storm for personal use. That's all well and good except that in comparison to the Blackberry Curve the Blackberry Storm sucks rotten eggs. And therefore I hate that I have it.

Luckily (or so I thought) Verizon Wireless is running a promo now that if you buy one Blackberry Curve for $49.99 you get one free. Sweet. I'll pay $50 to change from the Storm to the Curve.

Not so fast.

Because I'm already a customer - and a VIP one at that according to the little silver card in my wallet - they'll only charge me $119 to buy the Curve.

WHAT?

I don't think so.

I just got into a long argument with the idiot at Verizon Wireless that it doesn't make any sense whatsoever that they would disrespect a long-standing VIP customer by charging them more than a potential new customer. And since my company will pay my termination fees if I want to move entirely over to AT&T Mobility it makes absolutely no sense for me to buy a phone for $70 more than necessary OR stay with the company and continue to pay them almost $200 a month.

Unfortunately the idiot that first took my call couldn't follow that logic if I had faxed her a flow chart but then she passed me on to a supervisor. He was a little better. He's the one that offered me the $119 deal instead of the original $450 price tag Idiot #1 was offering me because I'm not currently eligible for an upgrade.

Whatever happened to wanting to KEEP the loyal customers you already have? Whatever happened to good customer service?

Verizon Wireless sucks.

Obviously our sock budget has been funneled to my chapstick budget

Hannah: Geez Jake, I think you need some new socks.

Me: Wow! Yeah, I think so.

Link: Hey! They were the only ones I could find clean this morning. And I think those are hand me downs from Hannah.

Obviously these socks have seen way, way, WAY better days, and how they escaped Grandma Dena's notice is anyone's guess, and they will be thrown away this evening.

Unfortunately we won't be able to buy any replacement socks since we've spent all of our money on Chapstick. Anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to Chapstick. Addicted. Addicted with a capital A. A-D-D-I-C-T-E-D. I usually have them scattered everywhere. There is usually one in my purse, one in the kitchen, one in my car, one on my work desk, one on my home desk, one in my coat, one on the bedside table, one in my pocket....you get the idea. Anyway, somehow they've all migrated to my desk at home. Let's hope I don't get chapped lips anywhere else.

A fun new game

My new favorite game to play this time of year is "How many out of state license plates can you spot?" Given that Boston has a ridiculous number of colleges in and around the city you can only imagine how many states you can rack up during the "back to school" time period. This fun and exciting game can also be played in the spring - particularly around graduation time.

Likewise, another fun game is "How many students attending Harvard and MIT will find out the hard way to calculate the height of their moving truck BEFORE trying to pass under the incredibly low bridges near their schools?" Similar games include "How long will traffic be backed up while those same moving trucks have to drive in reverse all the way down the incredibly busy streets lining the Charles River by Harvard and MIT?"

What the heck was Lincoln up to in 1992?

While I still in high school Lincoln was obviously laying the groundwork for helping companies recover from the economic woes of 2009. Back in June Lincoln received an outstanding parking ticket that he had apparently received in 1992 and never paid. It was for $44 or thereabouts and our philosophy was if the town needed the money badly enough to track him down 17 years later we'd just go ahead and pay it.

Well now Bally's Fitness is saying he had a membership with them in 1992 and he currently owes them $756.93. Okay, I'm all for economic recovery but this one is going to require quite a bit of research, and I suspect, a lot of arguing. Luckily I'm feeling up to the task.

At least she isn't mocking us

Before we left for our 4-day beach vacation it was supposed to be rainy and miserable all weekend and then beautiful when we got back. Mother Nature changed her mind and decided to make our return wet and miserable as well. What a lovely lady she is.

More details on our weekend coming....

There is no way it's actually June 15th

WTF?

This may go down as one of the stupidest laws ever

After a number of recent car accidents where elderly people have driven into buildings or accidentally hit the gas instead of the brakes and drove into a group of people, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is proposing a law that would require the elderly to take driving tests in order to keep their license. Sounds like a good idea, right?

Yeah, the law would require that people over the age of 85 take a test every 5 years. WTF?

Bus Stops.....and stops....and stops.....and stops

When did kids get so lazy? Or more importantly, when did parents get so obsessive about their children not having to walk to the bus stop? The other day I was behind a bus while I headed over to Hannah's school. The bus would stop at one house, roll 100 feet to the next house and then stop again to pick up kids, and then again to pick up more kids. Seriously? They couldn't all congregate in one person's driveway? When we were kids the lower part of our neighborhood was a big loop. There were three stops on that loop and you had better be at one of them or you missed the bus. If you missed one of those three you could high tail it to the back part of the neighborhood and hopefully catch one of the buses that picked up in that area. I think it's just ridiculous.

The other thing that amazed me a few years ago was when I was at someone's house and she was telling me her daughter took the bus to school. Let me explain why this was so shocking. If you walked to the end of her driveway and looked right YOU COULD SEE THE SCHOOL!!!!!

When I was in 6th thru 9th grade out in Seattle I walked to school almost every day. The elementary school was the farthest away and to get to both the elementary and middle schools you had to cross a very busy road. I don't think anyone ever thought twice about it.

I think it's just insane. What is happening to our society?

Internet, I'd like you to meet my dummy. Dummy, this is the Internet.

Last night Lincoln and I took a CPR class at the local hospital. Lincoln was a good parent (as we've already established) and took a course when Hannah was first born but I'm only getting around to it 7 1/2 years later. Thank God nothing has happened to our kids in the meantime. (I'm obviously renewing my campaign for Mother of the Year today.)

Here is a picture of my dummy's face. We had to share the body of a dummy but we each got our own face. It was sort of funny to have to put on and take off your victims face everytime you saved them.