I seem to have misplaced my handbook

I've now been at my job for 8 years as of 10/30/10. In those eight years my co-workers have mostly consisted of married men, with or without children, one married woman with a grown daughter, one married woman with no kids, many single men and women, and any number of gays and lesbians. Very few of my female co-workers have been married much less have children. That has changed a bit over the years as a few of them have gotten married and started having families but they're all "newer" moms than me.

Why am I writing about the demographic of my co-workers?

Because it cracks me up when they call me up or pop in my office to ask me a question that "a mom would know" such as "how can I tell if this is still fresh?" or "do you have static guard (or a sewing kit) in your purse?" This is often followed up with "I figured you would know (or possess the item) since you're a Mom". One person - who later became a mom herself - once said to me, "Isn't that just something all Moms know?"

I laughed and said that I obviously never received the Mom Handbook.

The funny this is, I still call my mom for advice on how to know if something is still fresh or how long something should be cooked or when should I go to the doctor. You get the idea.

It's true that Mom always seems to have the answer but I personally seem to have misplaced my handbook. Or maybe I never received one.

I should ask Mom about that.

The battle continues....but I think I'm finally winning

It has been a rough few months as I battle depression for the first time in my life. I've been taking a leave of absence from work which has been very helpful in allowing me to get things sorted out. My medication seems to be at a good spot these days and today was my first full day back at work. I have to say, it feels good to be back.

I am now an official New Englander

Last Saturday night Lincoln and I were invited to my boss's 30th wedding anniversary party. It was a traditional New England clam bake and while I didn't try any clams (or oysters), I did try lobster. Considering I don't eat seafood of any kind I thought this was a HUGE step. It wasn't too bad. I wouldn't rush out and eat it again but I'm glad I can finally say I've tried it.

Lincoln isn't a big lobster fan either so we decided that we would share one. When you go through the line you can stop at a station where a man in a big white apron takes a huge knife to crack your lobster in strategic spots. That was sort of crazy to watch.

Luckily we sat next to a very nice lady who eats lobster all the time. She taught me how to crack open the tail and get the meat out. She also showed me how to remove the "poop line". And yes, that's exactly what it sounds like.

The first picture below is our lobster in its entirety, although a little banged up by the man with the hatchet, on Link's plate. The second picture is of my plate with the lobster tail only. I love the fact that I had lobster, which is very New England, and corn on the cob, which of course is very Iowan, on my plate.

Well.....back in my day.

The other day my young assistant and I were talking about the internet and IMing and the like.

My wonderful assistant: I remember back in high school when IM came out....)

Man I felt old.

I am silent, hear me roar!

Part of my job as Office Manager is to handle employee disputes. Recently we had a dispute between two employees, both female. Ones name ended in "y" and the other in "i". I now have another dispute between two employees, both female. Ones name ended in "y" and the other in "i" (but not the same employees).

I was recently exchanging IMs with a friend about this to which he replied:

Names that end in "i" do not fare well with names that end in "y".

It's like they are fighting over the vowel sound.

But you trump them because you have a name ending in "e" but the "e" is silent.

I have to say, that was one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time.

Meat Loaf (the man, not the food)

Thursday night Lincoln and I went to Meat Loaf at the Pavilion. He's not a huge fan but I am. My wonderful friend Melissa managed to get me into the "Meat" & Greet backstage. It was a great show and we had a blast.

Was it fate? Or just the lure of free cocktails?

Last night I was invited to a grand "re-opening" of a bar owned by people that my boss is partnered with in other ventures. (Did you follow that?) Anyway, they graciously invited me to the re-opening of one of their Boston bars that had been closed - coincidentally due to a Christmas Day flood - and had just re-opened last month. The event was from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. so I figured I'd swing by after work since I don't often take them up on their invitations and I was starting to feel they might think I was ungrateful. It was also free food and cocktails at a really nice Boston bar and who would pass that up?

I knew Lincoln wouldn't want to come into the city - and get a babysitter - for a quick cocktail party so I asked my friend Tracy to join me but she couldn't make it either. I also tried to get Kegan to join me but he was working on his new project so it was just me. I figured I'd probably run into some people from the office but even if I didn't I'm pretty okay with just hanging by myself. I figured I'd grab a drink, say "hi" and "thanks for inviting me" to my boss's partners, and then be out the door.

It took me an hour to get from Cambridge into Boston. First of all it was rush hour, then there was an accident, then there was the Red Sox traffic, and finally, one of the roads I needed to go down was still closed from the Boston Marathon tents the day before. At many points throughout that hour I kept thinking I'd just bail on the whole thing but I had said I'd be there so I wanted to at least put in an appearance.

I finally got there at 7 p.m. and walked into the bar. The first person I spotted was a lawyer that my boss works with that I have met a number of times. I walked over to him and said hello and he introduced me to the man that he was speaking to.

Here is where fate comes in. Cue the beam of heavenly light and the choir of angels. It was that kind of moment.

I have always been very interested in travel. I think it's important that kids start doing it as young as possible and that every kid should study abroad while they're in college. I think high school kids should go on spring break trips to France and England and Italy and oh, just about anywhere really. I did an internship with a travel agency when I was in college and I've told Lincoln - and our financial planner - that when Hannah gets into high school my dream is to be able to develop an international travel component with the school district. A big dream but I'm happy to admit to having it.

Anyhoo....that's what this guy does!!! For a living! This guy, Peter, owns a company that does group trips for high school and college kids. I want to work for this man! I want to BE this man! He travels around the world and his job is to basically be a professional tourist so that he can put together these fantastic trips for these groups. I now know how people who grew up worshiping the music industry get tongue tied and act like groupies around my boss. That is how I felt around this man. I wanted to beg him to let me work for free. I wanted to call my boss and say "I quit. I'm going to work for Peter!" I wanted to give him my entire life history and philosophy on travel and why I think every child should have the opportunity to explore the world. I wanted to hand him my resume and say "Please, please, please hire me!"

But I didn't. I played it cool.

The exciting part is, for all I know, last night could be the pivotal life changing moment that will eventually take me down the path I want to go. I have no plans to leave my job right now. As much as I hate the corporate culture here I absolutely love working for my boss and we have a great relationship developed over the past seven and a half years but, if Peter called tomorrow and said his assistant was leaving, I just might have to pack up my office and head on out.

I hope to keep in contact with Peter. I have no official plans to beg him for a job just yet but hopefully in another five or ten years I'll have the opportunity to start out on that goal that I wrote down in our "dream book" for the financial planner.

Last night might have been a life changing moment and all because I was tempted by free food and cocktails.

I prefer to believe it was fate.

3 months

It has been exactly three months since the discovery of the New Years Eve flood at the office and we're FINALLY put back together. There are a few odds and ends we have to touch up but for the most part the work is done and the offices are unpacked from storage. We've filled two dumpsters worth of stuff from unpacking and cleaning out offices and we're having an on-site shredding company come out to shred the documents that need to be tossed.

An entire half of the 2nd floor has been completely gutted and renovated. Roughly 75% of one half of the 1st floor was completely gutted and renovated. The third floor only required some new carpet, a little new paint, and a few touch ups. We've also replaced - and upgraded - all six of our heating and cooling systems. We've replaced all six water tanks (three with tankless systems and three with flood prevention devices) so hopefully this will never happen again due to a water heater. The data wiring for the entire building was updated and replaced and we got new cubicles installed on the 2nd floor. We knocked down a few walls, did a little rearranging and voila! We're done.

I can't believe it's finally (almost) over. Our final inspection will take place any day now and then we move onto some other building issues that were unrelated to the flood. We're replacing the roof which is leaking and fixing or replacing the windows that are also leaking. We have to build a shed out back to house our recycling and compost bins since we're no longer allowed to keep them in the building based on code compliance concerns by the City of Cambridge.

It has been a long, long, LONG three months but I finally see the finish line and it looks great.

A full service contractor (subtitled: The greatest little brother ever)

Last year before we drove to Iowa I had my car completely checked out by the mechanic. My car had been rather noisy lately but the mechanic said that it was more of a nuisance thing and if I could live with the occasional noise it didn't need to be fixed. The noise came and went so it wasn't really much of a big deal until recently. The last month or two the car has been making the noise a lot more often so a few weeks ago, in one of my conversations with our contractor at the office, I mentioned I needed to find a new mechanic since the Saturn dealership had closed. Cyril said that his brother was a mechanic and that his shop was not far from the office. Since I still thought it was only a nuisance thing - and I've been so insanely busy - I haven't had a chance to drop it off yet. Well, I guess I should have.

It has been raining like crazy the last few days. We've gotten a total of about 12 inches of rain in March and 5-6 of those inches have fallen in the last two days. This morning when I was driving to work I drove through an average sized puddle - not too big of one - and right afterwards my "check battery" light came on. I didn't really think too much of it because my battery is less than a year old and I figured it had just gotten wet or something and was a false alarm.

Later in the day Cyril stopped by to check in on how things were wrapping up and I told him I was going to need the name and number of his brother soon because I really needed to get my car into the shop. He gave me grief about not getting it checked out yet and told me one of these days I'd be stranded with a dead car on the side of the road.

Well guess what.....

Tonight when I left the office I was heading to a parent information evening at Hannah's school that was supposed to start at 7 p.m. I called Lincoln to tell him there was a good chance that I wouldn't make the meeting and would be home earlier than expected because traffic getting to the Mass Pike was really bad. With all the flooding lately there are a number of closed roads and reduced lanes. Just as I was finally getting through the stop light, while I was still talking to Lincoln, my ABS (the brake light) came on. That concerned me since the battery light was still on as well. Then the "service" light came on showing a picture of a little wrench before the "check engine soon" light came on. Of course I'm narrating all of this for Lincoln since I was still on the phone with him and I told him I was going to pull into the parking lot of the ice rink up ahead. Before I got to the parking lot my dashboard lights went out and my radio turned off. As I finally turned into the parking lot I realized that my power steering was gone and my windshield wipers were moving very slowly. I managed to pull into a parking spot before the car died completely.

The good news is that I was only about a mile or two from where Cyril told me his brother had his garage so I told Lincoln I was going to call Cyril, have my car towed to his brother's shop, and then Lincoln would have to drive into the city with the kids to pick me up. I called Cyril for the name and address of his brother's shop and it turns out that he and his wife live right around the corner from where my car died. He said they'd be right now and that I could borrow his wife Cristin's car. I couldn't believe it. What a generous offer!

The two of them came down and Cyril took a look at my car. He managed to get it started again and we thought about attempting to drive it to the shop down the street instead of having it towed but we could barely drive it more than 30 seconds in the parking lot before it started shutting down again so I called AAA.

This whole situation amazes me. Cyril is the general contractor on the office project and while he and I have certainly become friends over the past few weeks (and he's my new little brother since Kegan is gone) he and his wife certainly didn't have to do this for me. I couldn't believe it. I really like this kid. He's a keeper.

Mom and Dad really should have given me a little brother

Just over two years ago I hired a 23-year old kid named Kegan to work for me as a runner. He only worked for me for a couple of months before he moved into the booking department but he and I remain very good friends. For the past two years I've referred to him as "the little brother I always wanted but Mom and Dad never let me have." Unfortunately Kegan was let go in the "Black Thursday" situation last week when sixteen people were laid off from our local office. The good news is he has a very promising job prospect already. The bad news is that it is in California and I'm going to miss him terribly when he moves away.

So, since my little brother is ditching me for the sunny Left Coast, I am happy to say that I have discovered a new little brother, at least for the time being. Last week I wrote about our new contractor at the office. For the past few weeks Cyril has been spending a lot of time whipping our construction project into shape and I've gotten to know him quite a bit. I've decided that he is the perfect little brother (second only to Kegan, of course). It's perfect. I make fun of him for the fact that he hurts himself golfing and for his strong Irish accent. He torments me by discovering all my little pet peeves and bringing them up any chance he gets. I've even decided that I adore his wife - who I've only met via email - and that no matter what she's right and he's wrong just to annoy him.

See, I would have made a great big sister.

Just to be clear, I don't REALLY want my office building to burn down

For weeks now, when the construction and water damage gets too overwhelming, I've joked that I wish the building had just burned down instead. Well, today was as close as I want to get to that reality. An employee was microwaving a burrito - one with instructions on how to microwave it no less - and managed to set it on fire and create a substantial, and I do mean substantial, amount of smoke throughout the first floor and up into the other floors. After a delightful visit from the Cambridge Fire Department we were cleared but there is a terrible, terrible stench throughout the office that will take a while to go away.

All from this innocent little guy:

My week

My mother informed me that my last post stating that I couldn't talk about what was happening made it sound like someone had died. Thank goodness that isn't the case. No one has died. But, what happened instead, is that we had double digit layoffs here at our office yesterday. So while everyone is still breathing, it definitely feels like a death in the family.

This office is fairly small and the layoffs are actually taking out over a third of our employees. We're a pretty tight family around here and these losses are catastrophic. Unfortunately there was nothing our local office could do to stop this and these decisions were handed down from corporate. My job yesterday was to go around to the people being let go and tell them they were requested in the conference room. Of course everyone knew what was going on after the first person was called in there so I became the Grim Reaper. No one wanted to see me in their office or cubical yesterday.

Some of the people that left yesterday have been here for 10, 15, or 20 years. Some of them have their entire life and personal interests invested in this company and what we do. It was gut-wrenching watching it happen and equally gut-wrenching watching everyone else mourn the loss of the friends, family, and colleagues. A lot of people were in shock yesterday. I'm sure, despite nothing they did, there is some survivor's guilt being felt today.

As for me, I've known about this for a few weeks. It's something I've had to deal with privately since it was to be kept a secret and just one more thing on top of all the chaos with the building renovations. To top it all off, one of the people being laid off was one of my dearest and closest friends in this office. He was a kid that I hired a few years ago and he quickly moved up to work in another department. Definitely a rising star but unfortunately that division is getting cut back.

Yesterday was hard but it was also a big sigh of relief for me since now it is over. It's not hanging over every ones heads anymore since the rumors of layoffs had been floating around for awhile now. I can also talk about it openly which is a huge relief. And yet, today is the hardest part for me. I feel like I'm about to cry at any moment. The layoffs are over and the contractors are almost done and while I should be relieved about both I just feel depleted of all energy and overwhelmed at the same time.

If other's are dealing with survivor's guilt I think I'm dealing with post-traumatic stress. It does feel like a war zone after all.

Silence

There is one major thing that is consuming my life this week and unfortunately I can't talk about it right now. Until then, I'm sorry for the silence.

An amazing individual

About three weeks ago my boss fired the original contractor that was working on the reconstruction of the office because of the guy's problems effectively getting us through the process with the city building inspector. It's a long story but I can sum it up by saying it was good that we got rid of him. In his place an old business contact of my boss's recommended another contractor. He was hired the next day and it was the best thing we've done in this entire process. The kid is a miracle worker and a true wonder. And yes, he's a kid. I can say that because he's in his 20's and I'm a ripe old 32.

I have never met a more ambitious - and successful - 27 year old in my entire life. He is amazing. His employees and sub-contractors respect him, he's a straight shooter, and he gets things done quickly and efficiently. He also keeps me endlessly entertained with his incredibly strong Northern Ireland accent.

I can only hope that my kids will be half as successful in life as this kid is at 27.

A very supportive boss

This week is going to be a little bit crazy at the office as we're moving ahead quickly with all the sub-contractors (electrical, heating and a/c, data wiring, and plumbing) as well as moving all the stuff back from storage. This morning as I was dealing with the moving company who was unloading the furniture I was getting terribly frustrated because nothing was marked as it should have been and it was difficult making sure that every desk, filing cabinet, bookcase, etc. got back in the correct place. I was not happy with our moving company this morning and during the few minutes I was actually sitting at my desk my boss popped his head in to drop off some mail and pick up anything I had for him.

Boss: Do you have anything for me?

Me: Other than my sheer hatred of the moving company? No.

He has been very appreciative of all that I've been having to deal with ever since the flood on New Year's Eve and even though it has had little direct affect on him he knows that it has been a huge strain on me so that made our next exchange that much more appreciated.

Me: If I strangle one of the movers before the end of the day will you post my bail money?

Boss: Oh indeed, yes.

What a great feeling

In the past three days I have put in 38 hours of my usual 40 hour week with no end in sight but I have been so productive and I feel great! It's 11:15 p.m. right now and I'm just leaving the office but I finally got shit off my "to do" list that has been on there since August. My in-box is no longer threatening to fall over on me and the piles of documents that I usually have to step over in order to get in and out of my office are neatly tucked to the side and ready for filing.

I'm loving this feeling.

A sick kid

It seems like everyone that we know has been suffering from a horrible stomach bug lately. At least three of Hannah's friends have had it and my friend Tracy, her husband, AND her nine year old son have all had it in the past week. Well, I guess it's our turn. Jake woke up throwing up this morning. At about 5 a.m. I heard him call out and so I went into his room. He said his tummy hurt and that he had swallowed bath water last night. He didn't have a fever but I wasn't taking any chances so I got him a bucket and put it next to his bed. After only a few minutes of being back in my bed I heard the unmistakable sound of a kid vomiting. Luckily he made it into the bucket so it made for easy clean-up.

There is never a good time for the kids to be sick but this week is definitely not a good time. Hannah was on winter break from school all last week so I hope she doesn't get it and have to be out for another week. Lincoln is flying back from Virginia this morning but has to go right to a job site so that means I'll be staying home with Jake. Unfortunately my boss was on vacation all last week as well and today is his first day back so it's not a good day for me to be out either. On top of that the main part of the re-construction is supposed to start this week and I should be meeting with the contractors today before I have to be out for a seminar/conference tomorrow.

But, as always, we'll muddle through and figure it out. That's what we do best.

Nothing to say

I know I've been very quiet on the blog lately. I hate to disappoint my 20+ faithful readers but my mind has been a little too crazy lately to focus my thoughts. Most of all a lot of stuff has been going on at work - and not just the flood - and I've also been feeling very poorly lately.

When I get incredibly stressed out I have severe joint problems that flair up and apparently I am seriously stressed out right now since my left food and hand are in constant pain these days. The worst my joints have ever been was when I was graduating college, didn't know what I was going to do with my life, and was about to move to a city where the only person I knew was a former teacher and her family who I hadn't seen in 6 years. At that time it was every single joint in my body....toes, ankles, knees, hips, fingers, wrists, shoulders..... It wasn't pretty.

But I don't need my joints to tell me that I'm stressed. I know I'm stressed. And I know that it has been hard for Lincoln to watch me try to struggle through some things that he can't help me with. He has been incredibly supportive and loving and has acted as an incredible buffer for the kids who, unfortunately, sometimes take the brunt of my stress when I'm yelling at them for things that are usually minor infractions.

So what am I stressed about? That's just it. I can't articulate it. Life is overwhelming me right now and I feel like I can't get a grasp on anything. Work and home and life and Lincoln's company all seem bigger than life and bigger than me and I just want to not be a grown up anymore. I don't want to have all this responsibility and pressure and decision making that needs to be done. I want to go back to high school when the biggest problem I had was whether or not I'd be asked out on a date. Or better yet, back to elementary school when my biggest problem was if I'd be picked last in gym class.

If I could just get a handle on a few of these things I think things would start to fall back into place but instead of getting a handle on anything I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep. Except I'm not sleeping well. And I can't focus on a lazy day of just reading a good book or a stack of magazines because I just feel restless. My mind won't be still.

And that is why I can't write these days. My thoughts aren't focused. I don't know what I want to say...or more importantly what I need to say.....that would be the magic word to make me feel better. I ramble and am unfocused and I just don't know.............

So, I guess, for now I have nothing to say.

I'm a work in progress

Jake: Daddy, tell Mommy about CCR.

Link: She doesn't know CCR.

Me: Clearance Clearwater Revival?

Link: Did you just say Clearance?

Me: Not right?

Link: No....but you did MUCH better than I thought you would considering they probably broke up before you were born.

Just once I would like people to agree on something

For the past four weeks I've been dealing with the damage caused by the flood in our office on New Year's Eve. Everything is starting to come together now but we're still finalizing selections for certain services to be contracted such as for the new HVAC system, the electrical upgrades, and the plumbing upgrades. For each service I need to obtain three quotes for review before my boss will make a selection.

Here's the problem. Every person has a different opinion. If I call out three plumbers one will say "You should do Option A." The next plumber will say "Option A will never work but you should do Option B." And then Plumber #3 comes out and says "Well Option A might work if you want a really crappy system but Option B definitely won't work so you should go with Option C."

Thanks guys. That's not really helping.