BFFs
It's a term that is thrown around pretty casually these days....best friends forever....but it is one that has given me much thought over the years.
When I lived in Iowa I had many close friends. My "BFFs" were Rachel and Kelley. I also had incredibly close friends in Shannon, Renee, and Julie. I would consider Rachel and Kelley as my Iowa BFFs even though the three of us never hung out together. It was either me and Rachel or me and Kelley.
When I was two months shy of eleven years old we moved to the suburbs of Seattle. Out there, if I had to pick one (or more) BFFs, it would definitely have been Breanne and Bryan.
Then, after 9th grade, we moved to Arkansas. In Arkansas, hands down, my BFFs were Dawn and Stephanie. I had many other close friends as well...Stefani, Ricky, Scott, etc....but Dawn and Steph were my BFFs.
In college I was very close with Becky and Molly and their friends but I would say my BFF was Carrie. I was also very close with Cyndi but unfortunately we didn't have as much time to get to know each other as we could have.
After I moved to Massachusetts my closest friends were the Walkers. Deb and Michael are much older than me (Deb was my 10th grade teacher) and their daughters, who are my most beloved little sisters, were much younger than me.
I met Lincoln two months after I moved here and not only did I fall in love with him but he also became my best friend. I had other friends through work but I never really hung out with anyone on a regular basis. For the first half of our marriage that was certainly enough. And had nothing changed, that would certainly have continued to be enough.
But then I met Tracy.
I met Tracy the spring before Hannah started kindergarten. That fall our kids were in the same kindergarten class and since then we have been inseparable. She is definitely a BFF.
So where does that leave my other BFFs?
And that is a question that has plagued me for years.
What defines a BFF?
Someone that you're friends with forever? It is in the title after all? BFF stands for Best Friend Forever.
But what if you drop the second "F" and just had Best Friend.
What does Best Friend mean?
Is it your one and only best friend in the entire world? If you had to save one friend from drowning on the Titanic who would it be? Or can you have multiple best friends?
So let's review.....
Rachel: My mother babysat her while she was pregnant with me. I have literally known her since I was born. I am still in constant contact with her and think of her more as a sister than as a friend. My youngest childhood memories are all of her and she (and her husband) are the godparents to Jake.
Kelley: Ahhh....my later younger years. Kelley was older (and wiser). We had such good times together and I am so glad that she was a part of my life. After we moved to Seattle we kept contact through junior high and most of high school but drifted apart a little over the years. She and I were each other's personal assistants at our weddings but since then we haven't been in touch much. I think about her often but unfortunately don't get to talk to her other than on Facebook (although I'm hopeful to see her in a few weeks when I'm back in the Midwest).
Breanne: Another great friend. She and I were inseparable through much of junior high and early high school. Unfortunately we drifted apart after we moved to Arkansas. I greatly value her friendship and I'm glad we've reconnected over Facebook. She was a huge part of my teen years.
Bryan: Ahhh....this is a tricky one. Bryan and I met in 6th grade but didn't become good friends until junior high. After that he was my rock. My everything. The one I could turn to with any sort of problem. I could confess any secret to him. One wiggle of his ears would solve any problem that I had and he was the sweetest, most wonderful person. When I moved away to Arkansas he gave me an old jacket of his. When I called him crying about how miserable I was after we first moved he told me to put on his jacket and pretend that it was him hugging me. I can't tell you how much that helped me through things. Despite the distance Bryan and I continued to be best friends throughout high school and most of college. We attempted dating in college and while it was wonderful it was probably for the best that it didn't work out. That still didn't stop us from being best friends. Whenever Bryan introduced a girlfriend to me she was instantly bitchy because of our close relationship. My boyfriends were also threatened by my relationship with Bryan.
When I first moved to Boston I briefly dated a guy named James. He was nice. I think we went on about three dates. And then one night he threw a hissy fit because I was talking to Bryan on the phone. Well that was the end of that. A few months later I started dating Lincoln and we went on a trip to Niagara Falls, Canada. I remember sitting with him at an outside table at a restaurant and telling him I knew we had a great relationship because he was the first guy ever that I would be willing to give up my relationship with Bryan. Luckily he never asked that of me and when we got engaged he actually planned on asking Bryan to be one of his groomsmen even though he had never met him just because Bryan was so important to me. I told him that wasn't necessary but I have never forgotten that gesture.
Unfortunately Bryan got married a year after us and about two years later he informed me that "since his marriage he was re-evaluating his friendships" and thought it best that we not talk anymore. I haven't spoken to Bryan since May 14, 2003.
I still count him as one of the most influential friends in my life.
Dawn and Stephanie: You can't separate one from the other. Dawn and Steph were my BFFs Junior and Senior year of high school in Arkansas. I can't say enough about them except that they made my life wonderful and made me love living there when nothing else could. I had other great friends there - Sheri, Andrea, Scott, Ricky, and so on and so on - but they were the best. I've unfortunately lost touch with Dawn over the years. Mostly because she's not on email and Facebook, but I'm still in touch with Steph. I haven't seen either of them in years but I still count them amongst my BFFs.
Carrie: I had many great friends in college but my BFF would definitely have been Carrie. I don't know what I would have done without her. I can't put into words how I feel about her but she was a wonderful, funny, perfect part of my college experience.....so much so that she was part of my wedding party ten years ago. Unfortunately, once again, we've drifted apart over the years.
Tracy: Tracy. What can I say about Tracy? We met when our kids were in kindergarten together and we've been inseparable ever since. I have her listed under "family" in my phone groupings and people often mistake us for sisters. She has a standing invitation to Friday Night Mexican night and a key to our house she can use anytime. The treehouse is pretty much hers whenever Mom and Dad aren't visiting. She is definitely my BFF.
And here is where I get confused. BFF is a term that is easily thrown around but "best" friend seems to me like it should be singular. Who is my one best, best, bestest friend in the entire world?
Well, that's a tough one.
In a day-t0-day "who would you want to call up and hang out with" way, I would totally say Tracy. We do everything together.
In a "who has been your one true constant friend for the past 33 years and the one person you would be devastated without" way, I would totally say Rachel.
In a "God-damn it, why is his wife such a horrific bitch?" sort of way, I would say Bryan. But even with that he wouldn't win out over the others.
So.....
In a tsunami, or the sinking of the Titanic, who would I choose to save after my 33 years of friends in 5 states? I would have to say, I would go down trying to save both Rachel and Tracy. But if we had only one floatation device I would give it to Rachel. Tracy and I would just have to hang on and hope a boat arrived soon.
1 year ago
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