Who knew this was such a science....and does it even really make a difference?

For my birthday in August my friend Melissa got me some Leinenkugel beer glasses with laser etchings on the bottom. It was supposed to "do something to enhance the flavor of the beer" is what she told me. (She's rather specific, isn't she?)

Chili's is now advertising on their coasters the "Perfect Beer Glass" made by the Samuel Adams brewing company.

What makes it perfect you ask?

1. Bead inside rim creates turbulence to release flavor and aromas as beer enters mouth.
2. Narrow top retains the hop aroma and sustains the head.
3. Rounded shape collects aromas.
4. Thinner walls and rounded shape maintain proper beer temperature longer.
5. Laser etchings on bottom creates bubbles for constant aroma release. (That's what she was trying to explain!!)
6. Outward turned lip delivers beer to front of tongue where sweetness (malt) is tasted.

I don't know why but I am truly impressed that people actually research this shit and feel bad that I just take these things for granted. And to think of all those years I wasted drinking out of a plastic cup at a keg party in college.

Celebrating the little things.....the really, really little things

Five years ago this coming December I gave birth to Jake. Five years ago today I gave birth to my kidney stone. And yes, I think delivering the kidney stone hurt a hell of a lot worse than delivering Jake. At least with Jake I had an epidural.

Why do I remember this? Because it was on our wedding anniversary. Lincoln and I were supposed to be going out to dinner for our anniversary and after lunch that day I started having terrible back pain. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and was absolutely positive that I was in labor. They always say that a kidney stone is the closest a man will coming to feeling what labor is like and I totally agree with that statement. It was like one long contraction without the relief in between.

When I thought I was in labor my friend Melissa had her assistant, Magen, drive me all the way out to the hospital by my house. Lincoln was working on a job site out in Western Mass and it would take him a while to get to the hospital so Magen came in with me. I think it cured her of ever wanting children.

When we got to the ER they whisked me up to the maternity ward right away and started strapping on the bands that measure contractions and the baby's heartbeat. They were having a terrible time trying to get them on because Jake was all over the place. He could obviously tell that Mommy was stressed and in pain and he was movin' and groovin' in there like there was no tomorrow. My stomach looked like an alien was trying to pop through. Probably not something a young, twenty-something, childless co-worker wanted to see but she was a real trouper....even as all the blood left her face.

The contraction monitor wasn't picking anything up so they figured that it was likely a kidney stone. I got them to take off the contraction monitoring band but they wanted to keep the heartbeat one on to make sure that Jake wasn't in distress. Let me tell you, the person in distress was ME! Imagine having the worst possible pain in your back, a bowling ball moving around in your stomach, and a tight velcro band around your middle. I kept clawing at the heartbeat monitor and begging them to take it off. The nurse kept saying "we need to make sure the baby is fine" so I finally snapped "The baby is FINE! I can FEEL the baby! Take this damn thing off me." We finally compromised and she took the band off and gave me a button to push every time I felt the baby move. I was pushing that button like a drug addict hooked up to one of those "control it yourself" morphine lines the doctors sometimes put in for seriously ill patients. Jake was all over the place and didn't sit still in my stomach the entire time I was in the hospital.

They said that my outburst when I was clawing at my belly was probably the point when the kidney stone actually passed through wherever it was blocked because after that things got better rapidly. They sent me home that evening with a plastic cup and a filter. The next day out came my little kidney stone. I'm more proud of delivering that little sucker than Jake because with Jake I got an epidural, slept through the transitioning stage, and woke up to push for about 13 minutes before Jake popped out. It was FAR more painful passing that damn, itty bitty kidney stone. But I still have it. Yes I do. In a sealed cup. That I look at from time to time.

I'm weird, I know.

Melissa's annual Leinie's gift

Every year for my birthday my friend Melissa gives me something purchased from the Leinie's online store. She knows it is my favorite beer so she usually buys me something totally random and something totally useful. Last year she gave me soap made from beer and an awesome BBQ apron with a bottle opener and a built-in beer holder.

This year I received coasters and some really cool pint glasses that are laser cut on the bottom to maximize beer flavor. Yeah, I'm not quite sure how they work but Lincoln loves them. It has something to do with releasing the flavor or the bubbles or something. I'm not quite sure what.

Anyway, the "random" gift this year was a key rack that had the bottle caps of all the Leinie's beers. It was ridiculous how excited Lincoln and I were over this gift. Yesterday we finally got it hung up in the kitchen so I figured I'd take this chance to show it off.

T minus 10 seconds to launch

When my friend Melissa and I get bored at work we have to get creative. We used to play Oregon Trail and kill off our co-workers as entertainment. Now we've moved on to full-on missile warfare.



The missile is actually controlled by a program on my laptop and was another one of my delightful www.woot.com purchases. Please ignore my messy desk.

A Public Plea and a Musical Challenge All in One

Last June Jennifer made me a fantastic "angry mix" CD. Since work has been so extremely craptastic lately I'm afraid I'm wearing the CD out.

So......

Jen, if you're bored up there in Maine please feel free to send me another one. I need more "angry" music.

Chad/Melissa, my other two music nerd friends, please feel free to take this on as a challenge. Let me see what you can come up with to help me vent my frustrations!

And Lincoln, can you please help me get my Angry CD onto my iPod so I can stop carrying this CD everywhere? What is this, 1995?

Reason 1,001 why I should not work where I do

I work for a major concert promoter. For our company holiday party my friend Melissa puts together a "Name that Tune" game. She always makes me take it for practice even though I know NOTHING about music. I think she just likes to try and make her head explode.

I scored 3 out of a possible 68 points. Pretty bad huh? And one of them I only got because she forced me to make a guess and I got it right. She wouldn't, however, give me 1/2 point for guessing the movie that one song came from and she didn't give me 1/2 point for picturing the right guy in my head but calling him by the wrong name. I think that was very mean of her. I totally should have scored 4 out of 68.

Melissa: Did you even listen to music before you came to work here?

Me: I don't even listen to music now that I do work here.

How Prophetic

Last year after my hellish winter season at work I got a Zen garden for my desk. It has a little fountain, a candle, and a sand area that you can rake. Very relaxing. My friend Melissa came in the office earlier and asked me where it was. I pointed to the pile of folders on my filing cabinet and said "Under there."

I've buried my zen under my stress.

I love my job

As part of my job as Office Manager my job is to coordinate a monthly "birthday lunch" to celebrate all the office birthdays. Today was that lunch.

This afternoon I was in my friend Melissa's office. Whenever the two of us get together it's a conversation of trying to best the other person and give the other person the most smart alecky responses possible.

While I was in her office today my boss Doug walked by and stopped and asked me where the sodas were that were left over from lunch. Since they were in the same spot as earlier in the day, and Melissa had me all fired up as a smart ass, this was my response:

Me: They are in the same spot they were previously in prior to their earlier consumption.

Doug: (laughing) You sound just like my wife when you talk to me.

Since I am also his assistant, in addition to being the Office Manager, I take great pride in that. I always say that a good assistant is like a bad wife.....nag, nag, nag.

Melissa gives the GREATEST birthday presents EVER!!!!

My co-worker Melissa is a fabulous gift giver. I have to take away serious points for the fact that at a bare minimum she always gives me my gift a month late but when she does finally give it to me it is well worth the wait.

Today, one month and 4 days past my birthday, she just came into my office with my gift. She gave me two bars of soap - MADE FROM LEINENKUGEL'S BEER! - and the greatest apron ever. It's a Leinie's apron that has a thermos lined pocket for holding a cold bottle of beer, a pocket for a Leinie's oven mitt - which it came with - and an attached bottle opener on a retractable cord. Like I said.....GREATEST GIFT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's a gift for Lincoln too because now I actually want to cook dinner tonight!!!!!!

Tracy's Birthday Surprise

Tracy's birthday is coming up this weekend and Denise and I have planned a surprise trip for her the following weekend. Tracy knows that we're going on a trip - she just doesn't know where we're going. My awesome friend and co-worker Melissa has put together a CD of songs that list places in the U.S. that we might be going for this trip. For the next few days I will be uploading songs (hopefully I can get this to work) to tease Tracy with all the possible places we could be going. Any song or state that is mentioned in one of these songs is fair game.

Happy guessing Tracy!

And for everyone else, enjoy the ride! Here is the link for the first possibility. Just click on the link and then click on "Play" next to the song title. http://www.box.net/shared/614v8nnpc7

Melissa

It was pointed out to me today (by Melissa, who discovered my blog this afternoon) that I never blog about my friend Melissa. Melissa is my most long-term, and I might add, oldest (sorry Melissa, you asked for it) friend at work. When I first started there almost six years ago Melissa and I shared an office....a very, very small office. I remember on my first day thinking "this girl and I are never going to get along." Luckily we became good friends. Over the years I've noticed that Melissa never likes anyone right off the bat so I have to say I'm grateful that she warmed up to me. We no longer share an office but she and I still have a lot of fun. Part of that is because when the company expense report process switched over to a new computer program she was too lazy to learn we struck a deal that she would pay me in wine to do her expenses.

Over the years we've had a lot of fun together. When she was detained in France as a terrorist (due to an expired passport) Paula and I hung all of her beloved Sharpie's from the ceiling in a mass suicide (long, long, looooonnnng story). Years later she retaliated by joining with Jennifer to send me 3 bags of personalized M&Ms that say "your the best!" on them when she knows the your vs. you're thing drives me INSANE!

Anyway, the point of my rambling is:

Are you happy now Melissa? I'm blogging about you!!!

Random Story

Okay, here is one of my totally random stories......Years ago, when I first started at my job, I shared a very small office with another person. I needed a clock and so I followed standard office procedure, opened up the Office Depot catalog, and picked one out. I didn't look too closely at the dimensions and when it arrived I found out that the time, date, and temperature on this clock could probably be read by a blind person three states away. My officemate Melissa dubbed this the "big ass clock" and over the past 5 years has found many creative ways to mock my beloved clock even though we now have separate offices two floors away from each other. It is truly strange how attached I was to this thing. I'm sad to report that the clock has finally moved on to the big office in the sky. I did everything I could do to save this clock but nothing worked. And unfortunately they don't make these clocks anymore (at least not sold through the Office Depot catalog). Now I'm stuck with an itty bitty clock for the time and a day-by-day Maxine calendar to tell me the date. And I have absolutely no idea what the temp is. It's a sad, sad day.

Goodbye Big Ass Clock. I'll miss you.