Can't they just stay little forever?

I'm sure that is the question that many parents ask. I'm not ready for them to grow up. And it's not because I'm not ready for them to grow up and move on. I'm not ready to deal with the things that will face them when they are teenagers. The pamphlet that I picked up recently at the doctor's office says that by Hannah's 8th birthday (this coming August!) I should have already talked to her about the basics of sex and what will happen to her during puberty. That was enough to send me reeling. I always thought I'd be the "cool" parent who could openly talk to her kids about these things but just the thought of talking to Hannah made me question my "coolness". I can handle puberty. It's the boys and sex and all that stuff that makes me nervous. And granted she doesn't need to know all about that by the age of 8 but she definitely needs to know about it well before she turns 16 and with as fast as the first 8 years went I'm sweating a little about the next few years. And when do you do it? When is too early and when is it a matter of shutting the barn doors after the horses have already gotten out? And every generation seems to get into these matters years before the previous generation so I take into consideration my experiences, deduct a few years, and pray. Maybe she'll be a late bloomer. Judging how she's already making googly eyes at the boys in the park and Mikey I'm worried that might not be the case. And what about those darn boys! Even if she's a little angel you have to worry about all those little reprobates running around. Lincoln and I were discussing this tonight, in a round about way, when Hannah was walking around with her glasses on.

Me: I'm very worried about the fact that "boys will make passes at girls that have glasses" in Hannah's case.

Lincoln: The nerdy sexy look?

Me: Yeah, the naughty librarian.

And before any of you get creeped out that we think that about our daughter, we don't. She just looks that much more adorable with her glasses on and at no time in the next 10 years or so (at least!) do we want any boys to think our daughter is adorable, or worse yet, sexy.

And if it's not sex, it's drugs. Or if it's not drugs, it's bullying. And if it's not bullying, it's depression. My mother forwarded me an email from some of their good friends from when we lived in Arkansas and awhile back their 19 year old son committed suicide. While teenage suicide is absolutely tragic and alarming in any family this shocked me by how completely unexpected it was. His friends said he sounded normal and fine the day before. He had plans for the weekend. He had told his dad that he'd like to speak to a counselor but his dad got him an appointment in less than 24 hours and he still never made it there. I mean, how do you know? How can you save your kids when there are no signs? How do you protect them from every evil both internal and external, seen and unseen, life threatening and merely life altering?

How on God's green earth does anyone grow up to be a normal, well-adjusted adult? All I want is for my children to grow up healthy, safe, and happy knowing that they're loved and that they're happy with the decisions that they've made throughout their lives. I may not love everything that I've done in the past but overall I'm pretty comfortable with my life and my life experiences.

My parents were great parents. Still are, of course. I remember my mom's greatest words of wisdom, which I plan on pulling out in a few years, was "Just let us know what is going on. We know you'll be faced with things over the next few years (i.e. drinking, boys, etc.) and that is to be expected but it will be easier for us to deal with any situations that arise if we know where you are and what you're doing." I'm sure that's not exactly how the conversation went down but it's what I remember. And I always thought of that throughout my teenage years. That and my dad's words of wisdom whenever I went on a date: "Don't disgrace the family." I may not have always told my parents what was going on.... I adopted more of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy... but I was never bad. I never went crazy. I knew my parents were always there for me. I also knew that if I got knocked up or married while in college I was responsible for my own tuition and that put the fear of God in me but that's besides the point.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess life is just a constant fear from the moment you first have children. I just hope that Lincoln and I can get Jake and Hannah through this with as much success as possible.

More importantly, at what age is it appropriate to send Hannah to live in a convent?