Sad topic

A very, very close friend of mine miscarried her baby today. It was her first baby and she was SO excited. She called me at 7 a.m. this morning to tell me the news. As many of you know, between Hannah and Jake I miscarried a baby. This morning when she called it absolutely broke my heart. I know what she's going through. I know that there is absolutely NOTHING I can say that is going to make her feel better. I know that she has a long road ahead of her where she will think "I would have been able to feel the baby by now", "I would have been showing by now", "I would have been a mother by now". And it sucks. There is no getting around that.

The thing that drove me batty when I miscarried is that everyone says "It's for the best", "There was something wrong with the baby", "It was God's will". Screw that. It was still my baby damn it. And now that I have Jake people say "Jake was the one you were meant to have" or "If you hadn't miscarried you wouldn't have Jake". That's right. I wouldn't. But I wouldn't know that I didn't have him. I wouldn't know what I was missing. Just like right now I don't know what that baby would have been like. I love Jake. He is the light of my life even when he's being a bully and I'm pulling out my hair because he's almost 4 and still not potty trained. That doesn't mean I don't miss that other baby. That I don't wonder if it was a boy or a girl. Or what it would have grown up to be like. And that's okay. That's normal.

Miscarrying sucks. There is no disputing that. But for my friend, I'm here for you. I may not say what you want to hear. Or what you need to hear. But my heart is in the right place and I love you very much. Hang in there. You're not alone.