My week

My mother informed me that my last post stating that I couldn't talk about what was happening made it sound like someone had died. Thank goodness that isn't the case. No one has died. But, what happened instead, is that we had double digit layoffs here at our office yesterday. So while everyone is still breathing, it definitely feels like a death in the family.

This office is fairly small and the layoffs are actually taking out over a third of our employees. We're a pretty tight family around here and these losses are catastrophic. Unfortunately there was nothing our local office could do to stop this and these decisions were handed down from corporate. My job yesterday was to go around to the people being let go and tell them they were requested in the conference room. Of course everyone knew what was going on after the first person was called in there so I became the Grim Reaper. No one wanted to see me in their office or cubical yesterday.

Some of the people that left yesterday have been here for 10, 15, or 20 years. Some of them have their entire life and personal interests invested in this company and what we do. It was gut-wrenching watching it happen and equally gut-wrenching watching everyone else mourn the loss of the friends, family, and colleagues. A lot of people were in shock yesterday. I'm sure, despite nothing they did, there is some survivor's guilt being felt today.

As for me, I've known about this for a few weeks. It's something I've had to deal with privately since it was to be kept a secret and just one more thing on top of all the chaos with the building renovations. To top it all off, one of the people being laid off was one of my dearest and closest friends in this office. He was a kid that I hired a few years ago and he quickly moved up to work in another department. Definitely a rising star but unfortunately that division is getting cut back.

Yesterday was hard but it was also a big sigh of relief for me since now it is over. It's not hanging over every ones heads anymore since the rumors of layoffs had been floating around for awhile now. I can also talk about it openly which is a huge relief. And yet, today is the hardest part for me. I feel like I'm about to cry at any moment. The layoffs are over and the contractors are almost done and while I should be relieved about both I just feel depleted of all energy and overwhelmed at the same time.

If other's are dealing with survivor's guilt I think I'm dealing with post-traumatic stress. It does feel like a war zone after all.